The Pizza Sauce Always Knocks – A comedic drama in two acts

Standard

ACT 1:

We join our happy couple during an argument over pizza sauce.  The hubster adamantly insists that he bought one jar, but the wifester knows he bought two.  The following is an actual imitation reproduction of events earlier in the evening today before.  Let’s watch!

H:  I only bought one!!

W:  You bought two!

H:  I bought one!!

W:  You bought two!

H:  ONE!

M: TWO!

H:  ONE!

M: TWO!

H: Do you always have to be right??

M: YES!  Because I am always right!!  Do you  always have to be right!?

H: NO!

M: Then shut up, because by insisting that I’m wrong, you’re insisting that you have to be right!!

H: Harumph!!  ::storms off upstairs, muttering about women who have to be right all the time::

ACT 2:

We rejoin the happy couple just moments after the wifester retrieves the second jar of pizza sauce from the pantry shelf and the hubster is in the bathroom, with the door locked…umm…”thinking”.

(sound of pizza jar tapping on bathroom door)

:knock knock!:

H:  WHAT!?

W: Guess whooooooo??

H: NO!!

:knock knock knock!:

H: WHAT?????

W: Guess whooooooo!!  I’ll give you three hints…I’m red and in a glass jar and I’m pizza sauce!

H: Can’t I even take a crap in peace!?

W: Say it!!

:knock knock knock!:

W: Say it!!

:knock knock knock!:

W: Say it!!!!!

H: Say WHAT??

W: Say, “you were right, sweetie!!”

H: Asshole!!

W: Say, “you were right, sweetie!!”

H: ASSHOOOLLLEEEE!!

W: Say, “you were right, sweetie!!”

:knock knock knock!:

W: Say, “you were right, sweetie!!”

:knock knock knock!:

H: ASS—–HOOOLLLEEEE!!

W: SAY IT!!!

H: you were right, sweetie.

W: Thank! Yoooouuuu!!

(pause)

:knock knock knock!:

H:  WHAT???

W: Say “as yooooooo-suallll”

H: ASSHOLE!

W: I love you too, sweetie.

THE END

Of course I’m always right, I’m ME!

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