Category Archives: Rants

I Will Not Apologize

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I will not apologize for being intelligent.

I will not apologize for being strong.

I will not apologize for having an opinion.

I will not apologize for talking far too long.

I will not apologize for demanding your respect.

I will not apologize for doing what is right.

I will not apologize for thinking that I am your equal.

Though if you challenge me, I just might:

Prove to you that I am intelligent;

Show you that I am strong;

Make you listen to my opinion

Screw it if it takes too long!

I will insist you treat me with respect.

It’s the very least you can do.

After I’ve sacrificed myself

And given my best to you.

 

What’s the secret password?

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I am so tired of having to have complicated passwords.  Why do I have to have one capital letter and one number for the password to my grocery store account?  If that actually got hacked, what is at risk?  My penchant for SmartOnes frozen lunches?  OMG, they may steal my gas points!!  I mean…seriously?  That’s the worst that’s going to happen.

Years ago, I tried to simplify my life and create three levels of passwords for online activity.  I had one simple password for all my non-critical interactions; one more complicated password for email, etc.; and one very cryptic password exclusively for my bank account.  Then shit got complicated and websites started putting more demands on me.  The problem is that their level of importance didn’t fit into my nice, neat password boxes.  So, I met the criteria by capitalizing the first letter and adding a number at the end.  Problem solved, right?

Not even close.

They added punctuation.

Sigh.

Okay, so I added a random punctuation mark in the middle of my now capitalized password with the number at the end.

At this point, I’m up to about 85 passwords to remember – my email password, my bank account password and 83 variations of the cheap, useless password, which were supposed to be easy to remember.  Okay, I can do that.

New problem.  They don’t tell you what the password format is for each individual website.  This starts a whole game of “guess which fucking password you used the last time you shopped at Target.com you dipshit you”.

Username: Shenanigans@hootmail.com – OK.

Password:

“sparkle” – NO

“Sparkle” – NO

“Sparkle9” – NO

“Sp@rkle9” – NO!

DAMMIT!!!  RESET PASSWORD!!

Secret answer:BiteMe!

New Password:

“sparkle”You cannot re-use a previous password.

“Sparkle”You cannot re-use a previous password.

“Sparkle9” – You cannot re-use a previous password.

“Sp@rkle9”You cannot re-use a previous password.

FINE!!!

“Sp@rkle98”Password has been changed.

Username:

Grrrrr………Didn’t I already tell you this?

Shenanigans@hootmail.com

Password:

Oh. My. God.  Seriously????

At this point, I throw my phone.  Because of course, I was trying to do all this on a teeny-tiny touchscreen and I now not only need a break, but also an Advil and a very strong drink…at 10 a.m.

And then I get a text message from my kid.

“Mom I’m out of lunch money.  Can you put some on my account?  I’m going to lunch now.”

*sigh*

www.kidzlunchmoney.com

Username:

Shit.

P.S.  The thing that I failed include in this entry is all the times that I ran through the 82 possible password variations, clicked on the link for my “forgotten password” reminder and discover that I simply had a typo the very first time.

P.P.S – I also failed to mention all the times that I forgot my username, because your username can’t be your real name, email address or anything that you could even remotely identify with.

P.P.P.S. – Oh, I forgot to mention the variations of my secret question because of a phase I went through where I got tired of trying to answer secret questions and just answered everything “blue”.  This regularly has me screaming at the computer “YES THAT IS THE NAME OF THE STREET WHERE I GREW UP!! YOU DON’T KNOW ME MOTHERFUCKER!!” “Oh, sorry…it’s “blue”.

P.P.P.P.S. – This doesn’t even begin to cover my work email, where you have to change the password every six months.

P.P.P.P.P.S. – Or my husband’s accounts.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. – Or my kids.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. –  I need a nap.

 

 

Holy CrAp Have I Been Busy!

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My blog notifications told me that someone “liked” one of my posts yesterday, which made me check my stats.  I found that there have been days when NO ONE VISITED ME!  This is horrible, just horrible!  Then I realized that I have been so stinking busy that I haven’t had time (or inclination) to blog in a while.  So, here’s an update on what’s been going on:

Diet Week 10 (or whatever the hell it is) – I’ve lost 15 lbs!  It is really hard, particularly when I’m doing fun stuff like baking apple pies (which I managed not to eat whole, thankyouverymuch…I left that to the Hubster.  He didn’t mind.)  It’s really awesome to have to wear a belt to hold up my pants. Pretty soon, I’ll have to go shopping!  Woot!

Death and Illness – Keeping up with tracking WW points has been rough this past week.  Sadly, the kids’ grandmother passed away on Wednesday, which led to a quickie visit to PA for the funeral on Friday.  This is just six months after their dad died, so it’s been a rough year for the kiddos.  On top of that, my uncle has not been well and it’s been touch and go for a couple of weeks.  I said at one point that it seems everyone I know is either unemployed or sick.  Your odds are not good if you know me.  If you just read my blog, you’ll probably escape with a mild cold and missing a day of work.  Lucky you.

Employment – Speaking of unemployment, after quitting my job in a very dramatic fashion, last week I started temping  for an agency while I keep looking for regular work.  My first temp job is sorting and tracking campaign contributions for the Romney campaign!  I think my mother summed this up really well when she simply said “karma”.  I’m so anti-Romney, I think I’d rather see Mickey Mouse in the White House than elect Romney.  Wait, that’s pretty much the same thing, isn’t it? (Which reminds me…I haven’t posted a political rant in a while.  Keep your eyes peeled for one soon.  I’ve got one simmering and if I don’t get it out soon, it’s going to stink like rotten eggs.)

Squirrels – And on a completely random and unrelated note, THEY’RE BACK!  It seems that the dry summer has seriously put a dent in the squirrel population and there have been far too few of the little critters to keep me sufficiently amused for quite a while.  However, the cooler weather has brought them out, looking for their winter nutty goodness, to my unconcealable delight.  Yesterday, I sat for MINUTES watching one sneak attack a group of band students, darting between trees and running up the backside as to remain virtually invisible.  (They are sneaky little critters, those squirrels).  I was utterly entertained and I’m sure I appeared quite mad as I sat giggling to myself for no apparent reason.  I guess the squirrels aren’t’ the only ones who are a little nuts.  😀

Curses! Foiled Again!

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I was writing a blog entry around 10am when my daughter interrupted me and asked if she could use the computer to finish her summer assignments that she was supposed to have done a month ago.  Oh…and her laptop has contracted the blue screen of death so she needs to use the family PC.

Three hours later, I read the post and have little interest in finishing it.  So, here it is in a nutshell.

I like to cook.  I’m good at it.

-The end.

And you wonder why my blog posts have been reduced to diagrams and maps.  There you go.

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Fantastic! I never venture into apostrophe hell in my rants. Consider this from me. 🙂

Lyla Quillmark

The email from a member of the technical support team began:

“Hi Lady’s,
Now your both up and running…”

Sorry, but I’m afraid you lost me at “Lady’s”.

I admit it. I’m a pedant. Grammar, spelling, punctuation: they all irritate me when incorrect. I was taught well by my mother when I was a child, and I grew up with the overwhelming urge to correct people; to right the writing wrongs of society and enlighten my social inferiors to their grammatical sins. I have been known to send follow-up emails to correct shameful errors that somehow slipped through my editing (just to prove to any eagle-eyed readers that I do indeed understand correct usage), and delete then re-post Facebook status updates that were inadvertently sent off into the ether with – oh, horror! – a mistake!!

Oh, yes. Facebook. The place where the illiterate and the sloppy share with the world…

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